Thursday, October 27, 2016

Yesterday is over.  I am done with forfeiting my dreams in order to make others happy.  Living from place to place, I put my animals in jeopardy just to have them with me. Saying that I could take the best care of them was prideful, as I know they have come here on this earth to love and be loved, no matter if it's me or another lucky person.   Their next owners will fill them with a life that they deserve.  I simply couldn't do it anymore, as I was compromising my needs in order to think I was saving theirs.  If I truly love animals, it is an honor to find them a home that can care for them, be there for them, give them all that they need while also living their own life well.
It is indeed one of the most painful losses, but I have to realize my dream.  In order to realize what I've been put here for, I have to step out of the way and let my heart be heard.  I have to find me; the creative part of me that is deep within the core of my being.  I have not been honoring myself and looking at what I need to bloom.  I've just put the seed in the bottom of a hole, covering it with excuses and fears instead of enriching it with Truth, Wisdom, Positivity.

The sacrifices I made yesterday have left me completely flat emotionally, but when I see and re-read The Alchemist, I remember that the fuel I need to energize again isn't to be found in a pill, wine, negativity.  It is found when I see what lengths I went to make necessary change.  I did hella things in order to be happier, so now I have to bless the experiences leading up to this very moment I'm typing to you, dear journal, and see what is next with fervor and excitiement, not jumbled nerves and crying.  I have see my tears in different categories: it is greatly healing to cry when there is grief, loss, pain.  There is a time and a place to share these things, and I must get a better handle on my floodgate of tears shed at the drop of a pin!  There are the tears of excitement, where your face is blissfully hurting from realizing your goal, seeing hardwork rewarded or...reaching or pursuing your personal legend.  The tears that are the most disturbing and run out of every pore of me at any given moment are the tears of forecasted fear.   I call it that because they futurize the unknown horizon and think the worst is about to happen.  I mean, I have lived in allllllll kinds of precarious scenarios - you would think that these prepare me to receive Any thing without being fearful.  There is a time and a limit the Universe allows for upset and fear.  It is at those times where I am not supporting my calling and trying to control my environment.  I came here to realize something my parents did not.  I came here to be of service, to be happy, to make others light shine makes mine shine greater.  It is my time..

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