perfectly Imperfect

28 August 2019

A long time ago, I struggled with inadequacy over how to express myself creatively.  I lived in a world where everything had to make sense; the t's were t's had to be crossed and i's dotted - then I found collage.  It was the comfy couch I needed to rest the imperfectly perfect Me.    The preconceived notions of what Art was and my contribution to that world suddenly made sense.
I was a new mom dorking through all the nuances and hiccups we make as a newly wed woman, then enter the in-laws, then enter little humans.  It was all scary and beautiful but so overwhelming.  I decided a I needed a break and wanted to actually use my brain for something more creative , so I went to this amazing forum of glorious teachers from all over the world.  They came to share their art and teach us to ways to express ourselves unconventionally.  Wait - did they just read my mind?

I was very shy with my first attempts, as the feelings from childhood sprang up inside me with a hammer to squash any thoughts of creating meaning out out of my ramblings and doodles. There were no judgy mean-girl ethics here - only lovely teachers embracing and grooming the very quirks I grew to hide from those Judgy Judys from my childhood.  There were no stupid cheerleaders laughing at me, only guiding me to put thoughts on paper in different ways.   Judgement suffocates your hearts purposes and makes you believe those thoughts and taunts from childhood.   It makes you believe all the shit everyone has told you and reduces you to mush.  These teachers basically said "Fuck the Cheerleader" and let my mind expand and explore a different artistic universe.

This collage up in the corner is entitled "Save Each other Save the World"  When we get off our pity pots and give of ourselves, not only do we help someone else, we quiet that inner cheerleader and stand taller than ever before.
This collage represents me standing tall amongst those very small dummies.  How strong and beautiful I am in the middle!  Quieting those voices and painting lifes canvas with truth and color. The theme of this pic is how I choose to be - tall and graceful, rich in experience not diversity, deaf to gossip and negativity.  The more I plug-in to this image the duller that awkward teenager becomes; the judgy cheerleader becomes pudgy, grows three chins and facial hair.  Perfect.