I completely and fully appreciate all the deities that I let myself look to for clarity in my life. They each represent God to me, but show me in different ways, different forms. Whether its Quan Yin or buddha, God or my peaceful girlfriends I seek out when I need answers, they all represent the god in my that I seek; the god in me that is my power, my light source.
As I was knee-deep in negotiations to move from this apartment, facts and figures, reasons and justifications, clouded my brain, keeping me from the real reason I want to go. Yes, it's like the ghetto of this area, housing vagrants and sketchy characters. But it also houses many people that have lost everything and have no better place to go. There are very kind souls in this mix, so I can't generalize everyone as Ghetto. Only the smoky, yucky trashy ones that gives us the unpleasant gift of second-hand smoke will I call ghetto. Is that personal enough!?
While I was so busy praying for answers, the real truth popped up right in my face. I'm Not Finished Here Yet. The irony of my new cleansing project I bought myself for my birthday is this wonderful journey to fix whats broken in my life. I have no idea what all will come of it, but its freakishly exciting, as I'm told by the owner of the quest, that at times, I will feel like throwing in the towel, then I will reach Nirvana. If I Let Myself go there. I'm a toad when it comes to facing things, people, circumstances, and usually will take the exit-stage-right point of view as opposed to getting it done.
My guess is, I need to look at this like a break-up. I really want to look at the reasons why I got into the relationship, or this house, and change the wrong ones so I don't do them again. I have to fix whats broken here, and that is figuratively, people!! Much is literally broken, and hopefully, by our final Days End here, we will not have collapsed on top of the 3 poor floors . I truly think the unsavory work ethic the builders had who created this, chose to take a lunch break when they turned to the Lesson they were reading in their Acme 'How to Build a Complex on the Cheap'. They must have gotten mustard on the page that talked all about Solid Foundation and Fighting Decay. This place may be going in the shooter, but I guess I'm just not done here with the lessons I'm to learn.